Wizards and Witches
by BlackHawk3
Summary: What in the heck is going on? Harry singing, Snape shaking his butt? Oh the horror! Read and review if you want to see something weird.
1. bushel

I wrote this one warm summer night, I have no idea why. In fact, I encourage you not to read it. It may damage your mental health, till you start to think like me. And let me tell you that's scary. Actually I doubt anyone is actually going to read what I'm saying right now, given the off chance someone accidentally clicked this page. If you are lost, push the back button to find a decent story. If you are not, or really bored, then enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. If you think I'm actually making money with this, or are planing to sue me, all you will get is a slap on the back of the head.  
  
The song is from a musical that was put on at my high school that I seen one to many times. (Guys and Dolls)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Harry: *singing* I love you. . . a bushel and a peck. . .  
  
Ron: Um. . . Harry?  
  
Harry: . . .a bushel and a peck. . . *starts dancing*  
  
Hermione: *looking extremely nervous*   
  
Harry: . . . and a hug around the neck. . .  
  
Draco: Who is he singing to?  
  
Ron: *shrugs*  
  
Harry: . . . a hug around the neck and a barrel and a heap. . .  
  
Hermione: I think its you *points to Draco*  
  
Draco: What! No Way!  
  
Harry: . . . a barrel and a heap and I'm talking in my sleep about you. . . *points to Draco*  
  
Ron: HA! It is!  
  
Hermione *Runs away screaming *  
  
Harry: I love you. . . a bushel and a peck. . .  
  
Draco: This isn't happening  
  
Harry: . . . you bet your pretty neck I do!  
  
Ron: *starts tapping foot to the beat*  
  
Harry: Doodle-oodle-oodle   
  
Draco: noodle-poodle-strudel?  
  
Ron: Huh?  
  
Harry: Doodle-oodle-oodle  
  
Draco: Has he always been this way?  
  
Harry: Doodle-oodle-oodle-do! *stops singing and falls asleep*  
  
Ron: He was fine until he met Hawk  
  
Hawk: I heard that!  
  
Ron: *cowers* I'm sorry oh high and mighty one  
  
Draco: *Sniggers*  
  
Hawk: You forgot all powerful  
  
Ron: And very beautiful *forces a smile*  
  
Hawk: That's better. Now dance!  
  
Ron: *starts river dancing*  
  
Hawk: *Cackles evilishly* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!  
  
Draco: *pokes Harry with his foot*  
  
Harry: *snore*  
  
Hawk: *spies Draco* AHA! Fresh meat!  
  
Draco: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *runs for life*  
  
Hawk: Get back here and dance for me!  
  
Ron: *Spies his chance and also escapes*  
  
Hawk: GRRRRR!  
  
Harry: *wakes up* Huh?  
  
Hawk: Oh well. . . It's just you and me now *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*  
  
Harry: *sweating* Oh look! Alan Rickman! *points*  
  
Hawk: *gets excited* Where!?!  
  
Hawk: Hey, there's no one there  
  
Harry: *gone*  
  
Hawk: Oh poo  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hawk: STOP THAT!  
  
Draco/Harry: *running around giggling*  
  
Hermione: What's going on here?  
  
Hawk: These two are driving me nuts. . .just look at them  
  
Draco/Harry: *runs over to Hawk, pulling up her pants in a wedgie fashion*  
  
Hawk: GA!   
  
Draco/Harry: *high five each other*  
  
Snape: *enters*  
  
Hermione/Hawk: Oh thank goodness  
  
Hawk: Can you get some control over these two?  
  
Snape: Are you kidding? *runs over and joins Harry and Draco*  
  
Draco/Harry/Snape: *singing* Ring around the rosy. . .  
  
Hawk: That's it. *pulls out wand*  
  
Draco/Harry: *blows raspberries*  
  
Snape: *Shakes his butt*  
  
Hawk: *zaps a pair of boobs on Harry*  
  
Harry: GA! AHHHHHHH!  
  
Draco: *Staring at Harry licking his lips*  
  
Harry: *blushes and giggles*   
  
Hermione: What was that for?  
  
Hawk: I don't know, thought it was funny. And it looks like their going to have fun now. *watches as Harry drags Draco to a dark room*  
  
Snape: *still shaking his butt*  
  
Hawk: Men!  
  
Hermione: *runs over and grabs Snape, also dragging him away*  
  
Hawk: Traitor! 


	2. jiggle

Hmmm...okay. For some reason I thought about updating this story, and as you can see. . . I did. Once again, I must tell you that reading this might be hazardous to your mental health. But I'm sure you can manage. Enough tittering. . .on with the show. . .  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything (but I wouldn't say no to owning Draco *wink*)  
  
Oh yes. . . to avoid any confusion or anyone who doesn't know what I'm blabbing about (you know who you are) Hawk is me (the author) it is short for Black Hawk (which is my name, right up there. . .see)  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Oh yes. . .one more thing. This next song that Harry is singing is from Veggie tales. If you have no idea what that is. . .good for you. But I am hooked on the cute little vegetables that sing and dance. But it comes with the territory of having a 4 year old sister who watches the tapes over and over again.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Draco: Ho-hum  
  
Hermione: Did you just call me a ho!  
  
Draco: Umm . . .  
  
Hermione: *zaps a squirrel tail onto Draco*  
  
Draco: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *runs around screaming*  
  
Hawk: What's going on here?  
  
Hermione: You should know. You're the author!  
  
Draco: GA! I have a squirrel butt!!!  
  
Hawk: Always knew you were a bit squirrley.  
  
Draco: Hey!  
  
Hawk: *turns to Hermione* I guess you better change him then *winks*  
  
Hermione: *winks back* *evil grin* Of course *zaps him in drag* (but still with the tail)  
  
Ron: *enters* what's going on guys?   
  
Hermione: Not much  
  
Hawk: *shrugs*  
  
Draco: *looks down at his clothing* Hmmm. . .*walks over to full length mirror and makes kissie faces at himself*  
  
Ron: Who is that hot blonde over there?  
  
Hermione/Hawk: . . .  
  
Ron: *walks over to Draco*  
  
Hermione: *zaps a squirrel tail onto Ron as well*  
  
Draco: EEEE!!! You're just like me! Come to me life mate! *makes kissie faces at Ron*  
  
Ron: *runs screaming out of the room*  
  
Draco: *chases him*  
  
Hawk: Well that was entertaining  
  
Hermione: Yes  
  
Hawk: Draco will probably scar poor Ron for life  
  
Hermione: *nods*  
  
Hawk: Wanna watch?  
  
Hermione: Sure  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Neville: * walks in with produce* Hey Harry. Do you want a tomato?  
  
Harry: *eyes light up*  
  
Hawk: hehehehehehehehehehe  
  
Draco/Ron: Uh no. . .what's going on?  
  
Harry: *singing* If you like to talk to tomatoes. . .  
  
Ron: I don't like to talk to tomatoes  
  
Hermione: Your having him sing again?  
  
Harry: If a squash can make you smile. . .  
  
Draco: No they don't make me smile  
  
Hawk: I can do whatever I want. I'm the author, I have that right.  
  
Harry: If you like to waltz with potatoes. . .  
  
Draco: Well never with potatoes, carrots yes.  
  
Hawk: *mouth hanging open* You dance with your veggies?  
  
Harry: Up and down the produce isle! . . .   
  
Draco: Umm. . .  
  
Harry: Have we got a show for you!!!  
  
Hermione/ Hawk: Oooookay.  
  
Harry: Veggie tales, Veggie tales, Veggie tales, Veggie taaales,  
  
Ron: Kinda catchy  
  
Draco: Don't you start!  
  
Harry: Veggie tales, Veggie tales, Veggie tales. Veg-gie tales,  
  
Hermione: I heard your the reason he does this  
  
Hawk: Well yes. I fill his tiny little mind with silly songs, to make you all crazy . . . mwahhahahahahahaha!!  
  
Draco: Well, it isn't working.  
  
Hawk: No? oh poo  
  
Harry: Broccoli. . .Celery. . .Gotta be. . .Veggietales  
  
Neville: *still holding the tomato*  
  
Harry: Lima beans. . . Collard greens. . .Peachy keen. . .Veggietales  
  
Hawk: *sulking*  
  
Snape: *enters*  
  
Harry: Cauliflower. . .Sweet and Sour. . .Half an' hour. . .Veggietales  
  
Snape: *shakes his butt*  
  
Ron/Draco/Neville/Hermione: *watching Snape's butt jiggle like Jell-O*  
  
Harry: There's never ever ever ever ever ever been a show like Veggie tales!  
  
Hawk: *gets hypnotized by Snape's butt *  
  
Harry: There's never ever ever ever ever ever been a show like Veggie tales!  
  
Snape: *starts smacking bottom*  
  
Ron: Oh yeah, spank it!  
  
Draco/Hermione: *look at him funny*  
  
Ron: *blushes*  
  
Harry: It's time for Veggie TaaaaAAaaAAaaaAAles!!!!! *bows, falls over*  
  
  
  
Snape: *turns, looks down at his bum* You danced wonderfully  
  
Draco: Umm sir? Are you speaking to you buttocks?  
  
Snape: Yes. Lucille and Mary-Ann are very good friends of mine  
  
Hermione: Lucille? Mary-Ann?  
  
Snape: They have names you know. . .Lucille *points to left cheek* Mary-Ann *points to right*  
  
Ron: Posteriors usually don't answer to names  
  
Snape: How do you know unless you ask it? *turns to backside again* Come along girls, Time for your bubble bath. *blows a kiss at them*  
  
Hawk: *to readers* That was pointless, I think the lot is crazy  
  
Neville: We can still hear you  
  
Hawk: oops  
  
Ron: Guess what every one!   
  
Everyone: WHAT?  
  
Ron: *turns around pushing out his butt* Snape was right! Meet Steve and Sha-nay-nay *points to both cheeks*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Wow, once again, I have no idea what I was thinking. Does anyone think I need help?   
  
Draco/Ron/Harry/Hermione: *raises hands*  
  
Hawk: *looks around and also raises hand*  
  
AH! How dare you! I would expect such from those other freaks (Draco/Ron/Harry/Hermione: HEY!) But your my alter ego!  
  
Hawk: *blows raspberry*  
  
*sigh*  
  
~  
  
The deal with Snape talking to his but was a request from Pet Giraffe. I love requests because it gives me ideas for what to write. Plus there was that threat of having sponge bob attack me. (*hides under covers*). Please review. 


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